Kelly's Diaries - Thursday 10th February, 1994

The date I can hardly forget. It was the day that my whole life changed - the worst day of my entire life.

Mum, Dad and I went to Pembury hospital. We met Dr. Gillet after waiting for about three quarters of an hour. He said he would have to test my bone marrow. I didn't know what all this was connected to. All I remember is that it was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. The pain went shooting down my leg when he was taking the bone marrow out. Once he stopped doing that then the pain stopped. He took the marrow from my hip bone and from the syringe full he had collected, he put it in little slides.

I went down stairs for a blood test and then Dr. Gillet wanted to speak to us again. Whilst I was waiting I said to Mum and Dad that I didn't want to stay overnight in hospital, and that I didn't want an operation. As you can probably tell I still had absolutely no idea.

When we went back in he told us I had Leukaemia. From that moment everything he said went completely over my head. I don't remember any of it. I wasn't listening for Gods sake, you've just told me that I have Leukaemia - I don't want to decide whether to go to an adult ward or children's. Dr. Gillet was going through the treatment I had in front of me, telling Mum and Dad my chances. I on the other hand was thinking. Cancer kept coming into my head. My hair - didn't people with cancer lose their hair?. My beautiful hair - I would be bald. Tears welled up in my eyes. Mum was already crying. The sister was in the room and asked us if we wanted to go into another room. We agreed and she led us into another consulting room. She brought us tea, but if I had picked up a cup it would've slipped through my fingers and smashed - just like my life.

I asked Mum if I was going to die. I said I didn't want to die. I wanted to go home so we did. I wanted to fall asleep and wake up and it all to be a bad dream. When we got home I somehow fell asleep. Unfortunately I woke up again and it wasn't a dream. I was still in denial. Mum had gone to the adult centre and had met one of my friends Mum's. She told her and later on Jo came round.

I still hadn't cried though. Shellie, another friend, phoned up and before I could tell her I chocked up in tears. I tried to phone my so-called best friend. When I eventually got her and told her she started to cry and said that it was going to be alright - I will be alright. I hung up there as I could hear her crying - not what I needed at that moment.

Kelly Margaret Wishart 1978 - 1997